Nanowrimo Redux: And I Flunked Again

Once upon a time, there was a writer whom we shall call Katie.  She decided to attempt writing a novel one year--we'll call it 2011--and she kind of flunked out rather earlier.  The following year--we'll call it 2012--she flunked again, but at least she flunked out after half the month had ended.

The first attempted novel is still saved to her computer, the twenty-ish pages that she created.  So too is the beginnings of a second project.  And yet...she's sadly lacking in motivation.  Honestly she knows that she wants to finish one of them but she can't bring herself to do it.

Sort of like tonight when it took her forever to make her dinner because for a great long while she just couldn't bring herself to clean that skillet.  Not that it took long at all to clean the skillet, but it was effort and she was tired.

Which is to say next year she might attempt Nanowrimo again, with the expectation she may perhaps get through three-quarters of the month and then be motivated to finish.

We'll see.

Decisions, Decisions

Tired of reading about my close encounters of the writing kind?  Well, if you are, then I won't be sad if you proceed to elsewhere on the Internet.  Okay, that's a lie.  I'll be a little bit sad about you proceeding to elsewhere on the Internet, but I'll get over it relatively quickly and I probably won't see it happening so I won't even be able to experience my brief moment of sadness real-time.

Something that occurred to me today when I got home and decided to do many things, none of which were working on my novel (because I did that a little at lunch before I got distracted by, you know, real people): I actually have to make a choice to write this thing.

I can come home, for example, and tidy up my room a little bit and dance around to whatever plays on my iTunes and maybe watch an episode of a TV show and find ways to generally fill time without writing this thing.

That's not to say that I'm quitting by any means, but I just had this sudden epiphany that I made an initial decision, but I have to keep making that decision again and again as the days march on.  I didn't make it once and poof! a novel appeared.

I think Nanowrimo has taught me a life lesson here.

Well played, Nanowrimo.  Well played.

In Which I Demonstrate the Extent to Which I Can Be Nerdy

I have this friend from work.  We'll call him Kevin, because that's his name.  And he's one of many people interested in what I'm creating while I do this crazy NaNoWriMo deal.  I feel as though I have much more support this time around, which is awesome, because I don't remember this many people last year saying: "Hey cool!  You're writing a book!"

In all fairness, that's not to say that I think these people mightn't have thought the same thing last year, if I had so obviously been writing a book and I knew some of these people last year... I write by hand, rather obviously, in places like the break room.  What else would they think I'd be writing aside from a book?  (...and I just realized I might not want to know the answer to that question)

Anyhow, he has made a specific request: that I not kill off my main character.  I've complied, because who kills off their main character?  (Okay, okay, I know it's happened, but I always feel betrayed.  Unless of course the characters has died-but-not, a la Harry Potter or Westley from The Princess Bride.)

So.

In the course of a conversation last Friday, he'd asked about some plot point I can't remember and what I may or may not do with the book.

And I told him: "I can do anything I want.  I MAKE IT SO.  Like #2."

A Question Answered

So I've mentioned to a few people that I'm trying to write a novel this month, and mostly people say they actually want to read it when it looks done.  Some of the truly brave people want to see it before it's even close to looking finished.  And that's great too.

And one someone memorably asked: "So you're writing a novel.  How do you go about doing that?"

I said: "I make it up as I go along."

(Is there any other way of doing it, really?)

In Which I Admit I've Fallen Behind

So here's the deal with Nanowrimo: it's probably best not to fall behind, as you probably achieve your goal better if you don't fall behind and then find you have to have bursts of writing energy that create extra words and story bits when if you would have just stuck with your 1667 words per day minimum, you'd have that novel by the end of the month.

I imagine it's sort of like finding yourself lagging in a marathon and finding yourself needing a burst of speed, although I have no idea because I really hate the idea of running and I'm sure that I'd hate actual running even more than I hate the idea of running.

Anyhow, logistically speaking, having sporadic bursts of writing energy over a few days seems better methodology than waiting till the end and trying to sprint my way to a finish.

I feel that this running analogy is weak, probably because I don't know squat about running.

But here's what I know about staying on track: it's probably better to stay better than on track to give yourself cushioning, good to stay as exactly on-track as possible, not terrible to fall behind if you know you can catch up, and downright lamentable to let yourself so fall behind that you can't catch up no matter how hard or fast you can go.

Possibly this applies not just to writing but to life.

But I'm too tired right now to think much more about it, as this burst of energy has just blown itself mostly out.

Evil Perfectionism Gremlins

Day 3 of Nanowrimo, and I've already found myself procrastinating my writing time.  Which is silly because I have this idea, and I want to write it.  But the little perfectionism gremlin has come sneaking out to growl at me that my ideas are incomplete and I haven't done all my research and this won't turn out exactly the way it should or I want.

And you want to know something about that gremlin?  She's evil and she's wrong.  (And she must be a she because it's just far too creepy to think about male perfectionism gremlins living in my brain.)

Well, she's part wrong, anyway.  I don't expect this to get formulated according to some fully-thought-out plan because I avoided having one in order to allow for flexibility.  I didn't outline so that I could write whatever the heck I wanted and decide what to kill and what to keep later.

And yes, by that, I mean it's possible that in the course of my story characters my day.  But never fear: only fictional beings will be harmed in the creation of this tale.

Anyway, I'm just writing this in my blog as a way of saying: YOU'RE WRONG, GREMLIN.  Now if you'll excuse me, I have a novel to write.

Nanowrimo, You Will Not Defeat Me This Time!

Remember this time last year, when I was all gung-ho and convinced that I was going to conquer Nanowrimo in a fashion not entirely like Rome conquered...well, almost everywhere else back-when.  (What do you mean I don't have the best grasp on that whole situation?  I'd be offended if you weren't probably right.)

Anyway.

I've reconciled with Nanowrimo, who I quit a few days into November last year because like a petulant child I decided that I just didn't wanna and it was too hard and a litany of other excuses that amounted to: hey, this takes time and effort and I don't want to give it.

This time around I've come in with expectations that I can finish a novel in month, but only if I actually write every day and temporarily give up other things.  (Not Once Upon A Time, though.  I refuse to give up that show.)

And I've rediscovered something I already know: I flow better when I handwrite first and then transfer it to the laptop later.  There's nothing that makes my brain freeze quite as much as staring at a blank computer screen does.

Also, it helps to have positive reinforcement (bizarre-o, right?), as when you mention to people that you're attempting to write a book and then they almost beg you to let them be a first-wave reader and give you feedback to which you say yes because who DOESN'T want people to want to read and critique them?

More blogs forthcoming probably.  The more varieties of writing I'm doing, the better the juices flow.

In Pursuit of...Something

As I previously mentioned, I'm breaking down and participating in NaNoWriMo. I WILL write a novel this month, dagnabit!!! It seemed to be a good year for it. Ph.D. application plans have been placed on hold, and all I do right now is work and then come home and...do stuff that isn't always as productive as it should be. Not that I think I need to be doing something for every minute of every day, but let's just say that I could've been using my time more wisely and leave it at that.

As of today, 1,779 words--meaning I've surpassed the first day goal of 1,667 words. Go me! I applaud myself. (Yes, I'm so humble, I applaud myself. There may also have been a literal pat on the back. Or maybe I was just scratching my shoulder.)

Anyway, I'm finding that the writing goes far more quickly when I don't dwell on being perfect. I believe I also noted earlier that I thought this would be true. But now I can AFFIRM that it's true. It actually behooved me to pretend that my backspace key does not exist. Not kidding.

But I realized something today: in order to achieve something, I have to pursue a goal without pursuing perfection. Pursuing perfection causes me to freeze up and spazz out and stop even trying, because I know I can't make anything that's perfect. Pursuing something else (in this case, my 1,667 words or more) gave me an aim without making me feel bad about how I quickly or how well I was reaching that aim.

Seems as though there might be a life lesson in there somewhere...