I am not opposed to change. There used to be a time in my life where I hated change more than I hated anything else. At that particular time, any sort of change symbolized just one more thing about my life that I had failed to control.
But change, as I have mentioned before, is inevitable. People grow up and move on. Situations never stay exactly the same. Education, though it sometimes felt stagnant, has never truly been a constant.
I figure it's all a part of progression. If everything stayed exactly the same as it always has been, that would mean I was going nowhere. In every possible sense of the phrase "going nowhere."
And then there are times like the present, where I wish I weren't needing to go quite so many places. An educational change. A job change. A location change. (Granted, not a terribly drastic location change, but a location change nonetheless) To be frank, I think the only thing not changing is a relationship status change.
And if that changes and it's right, I'll be fine. But I still can't help thinking that the fact so much change seems to come at once is a little bit of a cosmic joke.
Also, a note to anyone and everyone near me or who will be venturing near me at any given point that may want to play with me: get all of your Katie time in before school starts in the fall. Because I will be working full-time and taking 6 hours of graduate credits, and I fully expect to have no life.
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5 comments:
Hey look: I'm back!
Congrats on the job; good luck with the apartment hunt and the teaching thing. Pray a lot; you'll be fine.
Yes, yes, change. I think that, far from being merely inevitable, change is necessarily good (in general, I mean; there are, of course, bad changes, but even they can be learned from)--but I suppose that that's kinda what you were driving at anyway, so perhaps I have no intelligent input there.
If your relationship status did change, would there still be a blog? The inception of I Keep Wondering seems to imply no, but its evolution seems to imply--maybe. Just another thing to be wondered about, I suppose.
No life, huh? That's too bad. I hope it's worth it....
Um. And that last bit was more idyllic than pessimistic. I don't know how clear the intention was, there, so I just wanted to make sure you knew I wasn't naysaying 'cuz I'm all for grad school (headed there myself eventually).
You left? ;)
I'm very curious--why do you think the blog would stop if the relationship status changed?
I've never been much of a blogger about relationships (except for a couple of brief mentions of past dating relationships), so far all you know, relationship status could be changing from dating someone to not and not necessarily from not to dating someone.
Um, well, I believe my friend's exact words (and she recently graduated with a master's) when I told her that I'd be working full-time and taking 6 graduate credit hours were very optimistic: "You're gonna die."
YES, I LEFT!
Jeez....
Anyhoo, I don't know how this assumption became so fundamental to my thoughts regarding the blog, but on June 4th you said: "I haven't been on a date since the first week of January. In 2007. It doesn't bother me that it's been that long since I went on a date. But it bugs my mom quite a lot." That reference correlated quite nicely with the time stamp on your first post (January 10, 2007), wherein you expressed feeling "in between people."
Sorry. I just have this inclination to over analyze anything anyone I know writes, and I often forget that the conclusions I draw have been, for the most part, not very accurate. Still I do it, though; it's a sort of compulsion. A hobby, kinda, too, because I do enjoy piecing together unrelated bits of expression into some big-picture scheme of people I know, sort of fictionalizing and romanticizing them in various ways. The problem with this hobby is that, though I rarely get fact and fiction confused on any rational level of thinking, I sometimes find myself asking questions based (as my one above) upon unsound premises, for the which I again apologize: I'm sorry.
BUT--from this we may see that your assertion that, for all I know, your relationship status could change without my knowledge--I think you're a bit more transparent than you realize. (Though the foregoing probably takes away my credibility to say such things.)
I did notice you'd gone, but I couldn't resist. Because isn't that sort of the nature of our relationship?
Hmm. I didn't realize I was so transparent to you. Or anyone, for that matter.
But now I'm decidedly curious at what sort of person you think I am. Also, if it makes you feel better, I have a tendency to pretty much exactly the same thing . . .
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