A Plea to Management to Move My Office

Dear Managers,

I know I greatly appreciated my office when I first started work at this company. The window provided a lovely view of one of the main drags in Bountiful, allowing me to watch cars pass by on their way and wish I were in them instead of in my office watching them. It purveyed appropriately shiny quantities of sunlight in the spring and summer, I could dreamily watch leaves fall off the trees across the street during fall.

But now, I've discovered something I'm afraid does not suit my personality or body heat: this window conducts cold into my office during the winter. The heater, antiquated as it is, does not seem to remedy this issue. Although seeing the sparkly snow is something I enjoy, I do not enjoy feeling as though I'm sitting outside.

It has recently come to my attention that two of the members of Accounting, who are even as I write this, sitting in a toasty and warm office, have begged for my office. They have pleaded, groveled, whined, and brown-nosed. And they are too warm. (I would say that of course they are warm, because they're men, but as HR I know all about not making any type of sweeping gender stereotypes) After spending a reasonable amount of time conveniently near to their office, I would like to propose a trade.

I would like their office. I promise to not complain about a lack of windows, and I can also promise to be much more productive. Windows can be distracting. Especially when the window washers are making faces. Though I know this places me farther away from my HR colleagues, I'd like to point out it makes me more available to the rest of the company's associates. In this sense, we can make them feel closer to HR.

Finally, I fear I may become a human icicle unless you move me. And knowing how high worker's comp premiums are getting, I don't think you can risk it.

Gratefully,
Confuzzled