Roommate Meets Brother

My roommate came with me to family dinner last night.  At the time I spoke with my mom about it, this dinner was safe.  My parents, my roommate, and me.

 

But then my brother and his fiancee decided to come as well.

 

And my brother likes to be the center of attention.  As I told my roommate as we headed back to our apartment last night--she got a bonus, of sorts--not just dinner, but dinner and a show.

 

It was the sort of night that made me wish I carried around a tape recorder so I could just hit play and then transcribe the conversation, word for word, later.

 

We were having pleasant conversations to begin with.  Probably because my mom, my roommate, and I were listening to the drama that was my future sister-in-law's love life immediately prior to meeting my brother.  And because my dad and brother were having a separate conversation in the living room.

 

But then we joined for dinner, and the real fun began.  Fun, that is, for my brother.  Usually at the expense of me, though most of it wasn't mean-hearted.  And I did have the fundamentally satisfying experience of catching him off guard.

 

Anyway, J laid out his plan for my life.  The job I should have.  How I should acquire it.  How I should use him as a reference because "he's the man."

 

But that did not satisfy him.  Instead, he decided to ask me why I hadn't yet finished a novel.  And proceeded to detail all of the free time in the course of my days when I could be writing.  "In fact," he declared, "you probably have down time at work when you could write in on someone else's bill.  That's probably not completely honest, but sometimes you just have to kill time.  What do you do on your down time?"

 

I refused to answer, so he decided that I spent all of my down time on eHarmony trying to find a man.  He even went so far as to postulate the existence of a Middle Eastern online boyfriend.  And then he started debating what my screen name would be.  At first, he thought it would be katiedid244--because I'm 24, and when katiedid24 was taken, I decided to add extra fours until a username became available.

 

And then, he hit comedy gold.  He made an eye reference.  "I know," he crowed.  "Your screen name could be the one-eyed wonder!" 

 

Yes, it was funny.

 

No, he didn't even stop there.

 

But he did peak there.

 

And twenty minutes later, when he was discussing what music I would list on my profile and I told him I liked Keane, he almost choked.  And then when I told him I had a fondness for Radiohead, he stopped breathing for a second.  Apparently, I have redeemable taste in music.

 

My roommate thought he was funny, but wished she could resist laughing because it only fueled the fire. 

 

And my mom called me this morning to say Boston had sent a letter* and that she liked my roommate and would love to have her back up for dinner on a night when J would not be there.

 

J's fiancee, however, would be invited.

 

Roommate liked her more than she liked J.

 

Unsurprising, since our family is more or less of that same mentality.