Last year, I wondered where I would find myself this year. And I find myself home. Not at my house in Salt Lake, but at my parents' in Centerville. Centerville usually does their fireworks show the night before the 4th; it's likely they don't want to attempt competition with the show that usually comes from Lagoon on the 4th.
We wandered around the booths, per usual. And the city festivities followed what seems to be one of those seminal unwritten (yet cardinal) rules of such events: the entertainment must be a cover band of some sort.
Since my younger brother has drifted to California to install security systems for the summer, I found myself once again in that lovely position of being the only single person in the midst of couples and children. And felt, for the umpty billionth time, as though my life is in limbo.
I wonder if I'll every actually feel free on a July 4th...
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Christina (Squire) speaking: I love being married, so I don't want this to sound like some kind of hidden message that I don't. Yes, I love my husband. I don't know what I would do without him. At the same time, I wish every single (and married) person who feels pressured could experience life away from the pressure to be linked to someone to be complete. You are a whole person, but everything seems to teach you that you are not. Everyone has an individualized way to reach fulfillment and happiness which is not based on other people's expectations.
At the same time, I remember wondering as I grew up "will I ever get married?" I remember being pretty stressed at times. I want you to know, that when/if you decide to marry, I am sure it will be wonderful, but your life is wonderful now.
All of us envy some part of everyone else's life (i.e. I wish I was single. OR I wish I was married. OR I wish I had children. OR I wish the children were all grown and gone).
Sometimes I allow myself to feel incomplete because I am not a parent. Then I remind myself, there is a time for everything. God doesn't want us to race to check off life's milestones, maybe that's why they are called milestones; they're not supposed to be reached all at once or at the same time for everyone. He wants us to be happy. Although we all long for different things at different times and a full spectrum of emotions is wonderful, we can find joy in the place we're at.
I hope this does not sound like a discounting of your feelings. ALL feelings are valid and important. That is the last thing I hoped to do. I want to empower you and tell you I think you are wonderful, and I believe God does as well. He is proud of you, and He loves you, no matter what you do.
Oh, it's not that I don't feel whole. And it's not even that I dislike my life at the moment.
Lately, I've just felt as though I'm in perma-transition.
That can get old. Sorry I got so soap-boxey. I just wanted you to know I think you are wonderful.
I remember watching My Big Fat Greek Wedding with my parents when I was single, and I could totally relate to the part where she's sitting on the couch between them watching tv. Still makes me laugh. It does tend to make life somewhat awkward.
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