I can think of a handful of reasons my parents used to supply about why I should do what they told me. "It builds character." "I asked you to." And the perennial parental favorite: "Because I said so." There were more, but interestingly enough, when my mom told the child-me not to misbehave and I'd ask why, she invariably gave the same answer: "It's not becoming."
One day I got plucky, and I asked, "It's not becoming what?"
She replied, "It's not becoming for a lady."
"But what if I don't want to be a lady?"
Desire had nothing to do with it. Proper was proper, improper was improper. Or rather, improper was unbecoming. Eventually, I settled on a compromise that often seems not uncommon to other members of my family as well. I try to be as proper as possible in public: it's proper to be quiet in a library, it's proper to be kind and polite to the people serving you in any capacity (including, but not limited to, cashiers, clerks, waitresses, and salespeople). It's proper to speak when spoken to.
It's improper, in public, to act too terribly undignified--although being charming and quirky is allowed. It's a tough tightrope to cross, but it's manageable. It's improper to talk too loudly, carry on a terribly long (non-emergency-related) cell phone call when in the presence of other people. It's improper to ignore people once they've said your name.
My compromise is this: I will be as proper and polite as I have been taught when I'm dead center in the public eye, when I'm out and about, and when I really don't know who might be watching.
But I will be improper as I please once I get home. Propriety, after all, becomes more fun when I treat it as I would clothes: when I try it on for auspicious occasions. And then, when I unceremoniously dump it on the floor of my bedroom as soon as I can pull it off.
This post is part of the Blue-Beta Blog Coordination, a continuing series of content coordinated by theme or motif with posts from Confuzzled of I Keep Wondering, Gromit of The Dancing Newt, Redoubt of Redoubt Redux, Third Mango of Funkadelic Freestylings of Another Sort, Yarjka of Sour Mayonnaise, and Xanthippe of Let’s Save Our Hallmark Moment. This week's theme: 'Improper'.
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3 comments:
*chuckle* I like that. Yeah, it's good to be "proper" and "acceptable" in public, but it's always nice to be comfortable and "unceremoniously dump it [all] on the floor."
Does that mean that characteristics are little more than a social dressing we put on? That must make it abysmally difficult to get to know people. Of course, I completely agree with you. What sort of proper things do you leave by the door, though? I'm curious.
Manners, mostly. I try to maintain good manners in public. But the gloves come off once I get home...
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