A Game of Dress-Up

Most girls played at it when we were young: tiptoeing up to an old cedar trunk, peering in, and pulling out clothes several sizes too large. My sisters and I used to love walking around in dresses infinitesimally too large for our little bodies, clomping around in antiquated platform shoes. We were being our mom, our aunt, a movie star . . . anybody who struck as older and more sophisticated, really.

But something I've come to realize is that I, as a girl, have never stopped playing dress-up. I have always dressed to fit a part. In junior high, I dressed the part of the geeky girl with a cool older sister. The many hand-me-downs I received may have added to the look: someone who looked as though she was trying too hard. And it seems marginally laughable because most of those clothes were too big.

In high school, I was somewhat schizophrenic when it came to my clothing habits: I dearly loved my preppy polos, but I also had a penchant for tacky t-shirts with all sorts of sayings and cartoon characters on them: one particular red Curious George shirt I still lament ever buying as a junior in high school. It seemed so trendy then. And it might have been. But I look at those pictures now and think tacky, tacky, tacky. Calling it kitschy would be a little too kind.

Once I hit college, I grabbed the nearest t-shirt and pair of jeans. As long as they were clean. And, let's be honest, sometimes if they weren't. College became a practice in avoidance--how often I could not do my laundry and get away with it. I never looked terribly grungy, but I never exerted a lot of effort taking care of my physical appearance.

I started thinking of this because I picked up some more work clothes on Friday, and again was struck by how much I feel like I'm playing dress-up--transitioning myself from Confuzzled the Collegiate to Confuzzled the Professionally Put-Together Human Resources Assistant. People think I look very stylish at work. It's an odd feeling for me, because I have never felt "in style." Au contraire--I often felt anti-style, and I didn't care.

But here I am, playing dress up again. Wondering if anyone will notice the little girl hiding behind the pinstripes.