If you look back through my archives, there seems a trend to my Fourth of July posts: rather than feeling free, it seems I tend to feel lonely. And let's be honest: loneliness and independence are not remotely the same thing. You can be independent and still be around people; while you can be lonely and independent, I suppose, it's not nearly so rewarding.
This year has found me once again at my parents' house in Centerville. Wandering city festivities. Listening for a couple of songs to a less-than-wonderful band (swing this year, not 60s cover--do we consider this progress or just a genre change?) and then coming back and setting off fireworks at my parents house.
Thank heaven for niece and nephews. They make everything more entertaining and interesting. And it's impossible not to think that even the lamest of fireworks you're setting off are just a little bit marvellous when you have munchkins who ooh and ahh at them.
Interestingly enough, I don't mind being a lone child this year: but maybe that's because all of us were here for the city festivities on Friday. Or maybe it's because I like that I get to experience the moments when my presence causes my parents to suddenly lose years of maturity (my mom, in particular--it's delightful!). I have also realized that I don't mind playing a family role as observer; I like to see what everyone else does, hear what everyone else talks about, smile at others' jokes. In short, I like to be the fly on the wall.
I bring books for others; my mom recommends books to me. Sometimes it's quiet, sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's just me, sometimes there are more. Always, always, I feel a quiet sense of belonging here (perhaps I just didn't recognize it before because I was being too petulant about being a single amongst marrieds).
But I don't ever feel lonely here, because here will always be home.
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2 comments:
I've always loved Centerville. Most all my memories there are very happy memories, with cousins and grandparents, good food, games... Just a lot of fun, and a lot of family love. Moral of my comment: Centerville is a great place to be (well, I'm not so sure about it in the winter. Not a snow fan.".
Um, hi--hello--howzitgoin'. In a fit of nostalgia yesterday, I was reading some of my old blog posts and had a rollicking good time reviewing some of our playful battles. So I thought, "Hum! I should find her blog and make fun of whatever drivel she's spouting!" But then you had to go and say something tender and worthwhile, so I'll try to reign in my snark.
*SIGH!*
Anyway, I'm trying to wade back into the blogging world. I think the main reason I fell away was that I had waaaay too many blogs in my reader, so even missing, like, a week put me way behind. But now I'm gonna try to find a way to pick a few favorites and live in a smaller circle.
This is just to say--you made the cut.
And now, just to make sure we start off on the right foot (whichever foot you use to kick puppies and small children), I thumb my nose at you because I myself joined the ranks of the married last month. Neener nanner.
(Don't worry: I'll try to post something on The Eccentric Sage soon so you can attempt to raise your puny hand against my tidal wave of awesomeness.)
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