Once upon a time, a naive first-year master's student (okay, fine...me) decided to take a Shakespeare class because a) she had never taken such a class and b) she likes Shakespeare. On those rare occasions she found the money to travel down to the Shakespearean Festival and take in a few plays, she always enjoyed them.
(So, incidentally, did her family. Switching out of the third person now: I remember my dad intensely worrying about understanding A Comedy of Errors the first time we traveled southward. But as I explained to him, Shakespeare done well doesn't sound like archaic language at all--the actors speak it so well and so naturally--and also include all sorts of appropriate comic shenanigans to match the dialogue--that the audience members forget they're watching Shakespeare. They come out of the play, and realize--voila!--they understood pretty much everything. I doubt the same goes for Shakespeare done poorly, but I've never seen a bad Shakespearean production with bad actors. I'm sure they exist somewhere. Maybe one day I'll try to see a really bad Shakespearean company just so I can compare and contrast.)
Anyway, my class--unfortunately--may have temporarily turned me against Sir William. I didn't want it to! Suffice it to say: that class may well rank among my least favorite classes of all time. After I established that I wouldn't be speaking much in that class, I started a list to pass the time. So here you have it.
All of the Different Ways for a Woman to Catch a Man: Shakespeare-Style
1. Cross dress
1a. Pretend to be your brother...which obviously involves cross-dressing
1b. Pretend to be a manservant
2. Mouth off
3. Argue (which could, I suppose, be a subset of "mouth off"...but not always)
4. Arranged marriage
4a. If you're clever, you can influence the arrangement
4a1. The cleverest always manage to get a king's say-so
4b. If you're clever, you can persuade an unfaithful arranged spouse to stick around
4c. If you're not clever, you'll probably opt for dying instead
5. Ironically enough, be clever
6. Doesn't hurt to be witty, either
7. Act as a crucial part of a treaty/alliance
8. Enter a drug-like trance
And there the list stops. Perhaps, someday, I'll add on.
Or better yet, you can!
P.S. I'm pretty sure I have another list about guaranteed ways for the men of Shakespearean plays not to impress the women they woo. I'm relatively certain number one on the list, in all caps, is BAD POETRY. . . Funny how some things never change . . .
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5 comments:
This reminds me of one of my favorite Snide Remarks columns:
"What's up with people who think cross-dressing is the solution to everything? In Shakespeare plays, any time a woman has to do something secretive, her first thought is always, "I know! I'll dress up like a man." And her friends are all, "Um, Cynthia? We're just going to the market...." And Cynthia's like, "I know! And I need to dress up like a man!" And her friends just humor her and secretly plan an intervention."
.
It worked for my wife!
I wanna say I've seen a bad Shakespeare production... but I can't think of when... I probably whiped it from my mind.
But yes, done well, it is one of the most amazing things on Earth!! ... Next to chocolate.
And while I can't think of anything else that women can do to catch a man... Other then stand on a balcany at midnight. The first thing that comes to my head for guys to NOT get the girl, is to wear yellow stalkings. ^.^
Speaking og Bad Shakespeare plays, if you really want to be wowed, and REALLY love Shakespeare, see it in England, better yet, Stratford. American productions just aren't the same. But, cedar does do a pretty good job.
Loved the link, Katya. He's a funny, funny man.
And someday, someday, someday I plan on seeing Shakespeare in England.
Must needs have money first, though.
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